Where have I been?

It’s that time of year…

Around this time of year, the holiday season, it’s normal for me to feel down or depressed. It usually started just after Halloween. Halloween being the signal that we are on the downward track on the roller coaster ride to Christmas and that it will be here in no time.

No, it’s not Christmas I was dreading, nor any of the other holidays. It just so happens that my birthday is one week after New Year’s Eve. The onset of the holidays is my signal that, soon, I will be another year older. And when do I turn older? Right after the excitement of the holidays has died down. It gives me time to reflect on how I’ve turned another year older and regret all the things I haven’t accomplished yet at my age. I suspect that a lot of you don’t even need the specter of an approaching birthday to cause you to reflect on another year misspent. Heck, you have New Year’s Day to remind you that another year has passed and, well, what have you done?

Ah, but this year is different for me. As I reflect on the past year and what I have managed to accomplish this year, I can point to a few things.

I participated in my first 10k race (and first race EVER) in April. Six months later, I shaved 21 minutes off during my second 10k race.

That Mississippi River bridge I drive over every day from work? Ran a 4-mile race over that in October.

And there’s now a 13.1 sticker on my car from completing a half-marathon.

When I took out all my race numbers from this year, I had 9 racing bibs. I have participated in 10 races this year (they ran out of bibs before I got there for one race).

So, rather than be upset about what I haven’t accomplished and facing another year of self-pity and regret, I am looking forward to seeing how much more I can accomplish in the coming year. Maybe I can do 12 races this year. Maybe I can learn to swim so I can be in a triathlon. I’ve already signed up to be in a full marathon in March, so there’s that to look forward to. The transformation in my thinking this year has been “just find out what you can do by going out and doing it.” And even though I am slow by most runner standards, it’s faster and more distance than I’VE ever done before. And really, that’s who I am competing against. The old me. The old, negative me who saw time passing by and regretted things without actually attempting to do anything. So, now, I hope to approach new years and new birthdays with a sense of “what can I accomplish this time around?”

In the meantime… (make sure you read this part ALL the way through).

I have another reason for wanting to see what I can accomplish this coming year. It will be fully understood by explaining what I’ve been going through the last few months.

Back in August, I went to see my doctor for a routine check up. She did some blood tests on me since I am diabetic and wanted to see how I was doing. My diabetes is in check and doing okay. However, she noticed that something was out of whack in another part of my blood chemistry. She said that she was going to recommend I go to a kidney specialist to get it checked out. She didn’t seem too concerned. She also scheduled an ultrasound for my heart to see how well it was doing. I went to that and my heart checked out okay. Then I had some more blood tests done and finally went to the nephrologist on the Monday before my half-marathon (which fell on a Saturday). When I got to the nephrologist, he told me he had looked at my results from both the blood tests (one from my doctor and the one I did for him) and in both cases the numbers indicated that I only had 50 percent of my kidney function. He said it was if I had only one kidney. He asked me when I had been diagnosed with diabetes and I told him it had been the previous year. He said that, usually, you don’t see that kind of kidney damage from diabetes until 10 or 15 years after being diagnosed. Of course, I thought, that perhaps I had been undiagnosed but had diabetes for much longer than we thought. I asked him what I needed to do. He said not to be “overly concerned.” He was going to schedule an ultrasound for my kidneys to see how the blood flow was to them and see what size they were and a urinalysis and more blood work. I asked him if I could continue training since my half-marathon was 4 days away. He said I could work out as much as I wanted, just stay away from sodium. I went home afterward.

Now, I come from an extended family where, rather than “erring on the side of caution,” we “err on the side of ‘worst-case scenario’.” I immediately went to the Internet armed with my blood work numbers. The result that kept coming back was “chronic kidney disease.” More specifically, with my numbers: “Stage 3, chronic kidney disease.” Apparently, there are 5 stages to chronic kidney disease. Stage 3 indicates moderate damage. Stage 4 means you have to start either a) looking for a donor or b) dialysis. Also, chronic kidney disease never gets better. You can only slow down the damage. After reading all about it, of course, I handled it calmly and collectedly…

HA! Um, no. I immediately went into “freak out” mode. So many things went through my mind. None of them good. I felt emotionally and physically “fragile.” As if I were a bubble that was going to pop. The only thing I could hang anything good on was the nephrologist’s comment not to be “overly concerned.” But I will tell you this… it made thinking that I had to do 13.1 miles later that week a very small concern. The half-marathon was not even on my radar any more. Other people I know who were doing the half were concerned about completing it. I was thinking “I’m just going to go out and do what I can because HOLY CRAP, MY KIDNEYS AREN’T WORKING RIGHT!” Let’s just say, my kidneys became my overriding thought and concern.

Okay, so I did the half-marathon and felt good. That’s what was odd. I kept thinking “how could something be seriously wrong with me when I feel this good?” I had to keep it together emotionally by thinking that we really didn’t know what was going on yet or what I might be facing. Yes, the “not knowing” is an incredibly difficult part to deal with.

Eventually, I couldn’t keep being emotionally fragile or stressed out. I tried to start thinking positively about it. Or, at least, not as negatively. Things like “well, at least if I need a donor, someone doesn’t have to die to donate a kidney.” It’s not like an organ that you only have one of and the only way you’re going to get one is through a donor dying. Plus, if a donor does die, your odds are doubled because they have two to donate. Yes, things that like go through your head.

My training started to suffer. It’s hard not to think that when you believe something is wrong with you “what’s the point?” Last school year, I was the coordinator of my workplace’s “Biggest Loser” competition. The morbidly obese custodian used to tease me about it every time I walked by. He’d say “it’s the skinny man, on his skinny crusade to make everyone skinny!” To which I’d correct him and say “no, not skinny, healthier.” He also has diabetes and when I’d say that I was doing it to get healthier he’d say “you don’t know. You could drop dead tomorrow and I could outlive you.” And when I say he’s morbidly obese, I mean that sincerely. It’s not an exaggeration. He cannot walk without the aid of a grocery cart to prop himself up. So, on top of thinking “what’s the point,” I was thinking “great, Mr. Kenneth is going to be right.” Here I am trying to do the right thing and get healthier and my kidneys are not cooperating. So, the stress was getting to me. I didn’t want to work out for fear that I was “fragile.” But I also had the feeling that I had to go on. So I did sign up for the Cajun Cup 10k in Lafayette and the Turkey Day Race on Thanksgiving here in New Orleans. I trained as much as I could manage. But my heart wasn’t really in it as much. I no longer felt like “Super Shawn.” I felt like “incredibly mortal and delicate Shawn.”

So, I went in for my ultrasound for my kidneys. It took forever. I went in to work that day and later missed a call from the nephrologist’s office on my cell phone. Of course, my immediate thought was “we’ve found something that needs immediate attention, please go to a hospital right now.” But I called back and was on hold for literally 10 minutes before the receptionist answered. She said the ultrasound came back normal. So, apparently, the blood flow to my kidneys was okay and they were the right size. Annnd.. when I got home that day, I searched on the Internet about “ultrasounds coming back normal” in regard to chronic kidney disease. The results that came back said that if the ultrasounds cannot determine the cause, then perhaps they need to do a biopsy. Ugh, “biopsy.” That’s got to be the least attractive word in terms of sound and in desire to want to hear it uttered.

In the meantime, in order to prolong my stress and torture, the nephrologist’s office kept messing up the appointment days for the follow-up meeting with the doctor. At first it was supposed to be Nov. 17, then Nov. 28. Then, Nov. 17 AGAIN. Then, Nov. 28 AGAIN. Finally, it was to be on Dec. 1. I figured I’d be incredibly stressed out about the appointment in the week leading up to it. However, I was oddly calm. I guess I was at the point where I was thinking “let me just find out what’s going on and then we can deal with it.” At best, I was thinking the nephrologist would say “Okay, your ultrasounds came back normal. We need to run more tests. Let’s do a biopsy.” And then I’d be plunged back into a cycle of “not-knowing.” On the morning of Dec. 1, I did not have a panic attack. Which was surprising because usually, when I am stressed out, I do have a panic attack. I made it to the hospital and went to check in for my appointment. Then I sat down and waited 20 minutes past my appointment time until they finally called me.

Of course, you know the routine. Then they make you sit in the little room and wait for him to show up. As I was sitting there, I noticed that this room was decorated in the usual stuff related to whichever body part the doctor is a specialist in. In my gout doctor’s office, there are posters of joints and models of knees. In this room, there were models of kidneys and a big poster on chronic kidney disease. As I sat there and waited for the doctor to show up, I read the list of 12 or so symptoms of chronic kidney disease. I did not have a single one of those symptoms. Not even close to having one. I was puzzled.

Then the doctor walked in and the first thing he said was “I have good news.” Now, me being me, I immediately think “good news” is relative. The next words out of his mouth could be “you’re not going to die tomorrow, but you will die in three days.” So, I anxiously awaited his “good news.” He said my tests all came back normal this time. Even the blood work. He said my urinalysis was fine and the numbers in my blood had gone back down into the normal range. My ultrasounds showed that I had a small kidney stone in my left kidney, but it wasn’t causing me any trouble at this point. He showed me the relevant numbers, my creatinine levels for those of you keeping score at home. They had been elevated in two tests done the previous month, but now the levels were below the level I was in January. He had no explanation as to why they spiked in August/September. Perhaps my kidney stone had been blocking something. But he said that everything looked fine now and to check back in a year. When I said earlier that I had originally freaked out, it was an understatement. When I say I was relieved at this news, it is also an understatement. Perhaps the anomaly in the numbers was just that, an anomaly. Perhaps I was never in any real danger. But the feelings I had due to the experience were very real. I think about people who get bad news and it stays bad news. I can’t imagine what that’s like. I wonder if I will have to deal with it. But in the meantime I have to accomplish what I can.

Here it is 3 days later and I’m slowly coming back around to the idea that my life is going to continue for now. I can continue training and making myself healthier. I want to plan things that I’ve not done before. I really need to focus again on losing weight and getting in shape. I have a marathon coming up in 3 months (and one of those months is February, so we get short-changed on training days). Not having that kidney problem dangling over my head frees me up to think about and deal with other things. Rather than focus on a major health problem, I can tweak my training to address pain in my ankles or foot.

In Fight Club, there’s a scene where a store clerk is being held at gunpoint and one of the main characters threatens to kill him. Instead of killing him, he makes the clerk think about his life and what he really wants to do with that life. Then he lets him go. From that moment on, that clerk’s life will be a little sweeter to him because he was made to see just how fragile it is. I hope to take away a similar lesson from my recent experience and try to accomplish all that I can in whatever time I have left. I suggest you all do the same…

It's May, do you know where your New Year's Resolution is?

Yeah, I know it’s the fifth month of the year and it’s a weird time to be talking about New Year’s Resolutions, but let’s analyze this, shall we?

I bet that right before last Thanksgiving you started promising yourself that you were going to start buckling down and working out right after you made it through the holidays. Then, right after Christmas, with the New Year looming upon you, you vowed to finally do it this year and lose all that weight you’ve been meaning to lose. You were going to go the gym, cut back on eating and shed pound after pound. You figured you’d be able to lose 20 pounds a month and by summer time, you’d be in great swimsuit shape. At first, when January got here, you started off great. Gung ho, you made it to the gym and worked out 4 times a week. Even though you weren’t cutting back on eating, you figured your exercising made up for it and, well, heck, you deserved to treat yourself for working out. By mid-February, though, you noticed that the weight wasn’t coming off nearly as quickly as you had envisioned. In fact, it was hardly coming off at all. Frustration started setting in. You started skipping trips to the gym, and went back to all your bad eating habits. By March, the New Year’s Resolution was a distant and faded memory. Now, here we are in May and at the end of this year, you’ll make the same promises to yourself followed by the same New Year’s Resolutions.

Biting off more than you can chew

Where did you go wrong? While it’s good to have goals, you should be realistic with your expectations. I speak from experience. I always thought I could blast through 20 pounds a month if I just tried hard, but that’s not possible. If you were to take a more conservative and realistic approach by going slow and steady, you can expect to lose an average of one pound a week. Wait, wait, wait…I know that doesn’t sound like much, BUT had you done that since the beginning of this year, you’d be down 18 pounds already and seeing significant differences instead of being overwhelmed and frustrated with little to show for it.

Here’s what I suggest: Start over again right now, but with more realistic expectations. Sure, it’s May and not New Year’s but why not now? I started back in August of 2010. Also, don’t tell me you’re too busy because then I’ll tell you to do a little thought experiment. I want you to take 5 minutes (which should be plenty) to think about an extended period of time in your future when you will NOT be busy.

Go ahead, think about it, I’ll wait.

Did you come up with: “when I’m dead?”

My point is that you simply cannot wait until you are “not busy” to start eating better and exercising more. “Not busy” is NEVER going to get here. You just have to incorporate this lifestyle change into your life right now.

Okay, so let’s say you DO start right now and you make small, but consistent changes to your lifestyle. You can expect to lose about a pound a week. Which means that by the end of THIS year, you’ll be down approximately 33 pounds. So, right around Christmas, you’ll look significantly different. On top of that, you can save your New Year’s Resolution for something other than weight loss this time. It can be something like “I’ll run in my first 10k this year,” or “I’ll learn to play guitar this year,” or “I’ll write that screenplay this year.” But it won’t have to be “I’ll try to lose weight” for the umpteenth year in a row.

Getting off track

Also, if you make small changes, it won’t be so difficult to get back on track once you derail yourself from time to time. I’ve been dealing with this lately. As regular readers know, I participated in the Crescent City Classic this year for the first time. It happened the day before Easter. The entire week following Easter, I was off from work. At home, bored, with a ton of Easter candy in the house is not a good combination. I found myself eating a lot more than I should have and eating things I should not be eating. However, despite these setbacks, I did not throw in the towel entirely, I still exercised throughout the week by jogging or cycling. In the past, I would have given up altogether after the first binge. But this time around, I am allowing myself a binge now and then as long as I get back on track. Mentally, I seem much better prepared this time around to resist giving up completely. Also, I am going to use this experience as a lesson for myself. I have a big problem resisting eating while I am bored and I know summer vacation is just around the corner, so what I am going to need to do is get rid of any unhealthy choices in the house and replace them with healthier alternatives. I need to outthink myself and plan ahead better.

Also, because I have been going “slow and steady” for a while and not making huge, drastic changes, it’s much easier for me to get back on track. I know what I need to do, I don’t have to make overwhelming changes to get back to where I need to be.

I know it can be frustrating, I’ve been there so many times before. I think the reason it’s working better for me this time is that I kept it up long enough to where I want to keep it going. I couldn’t get over that initial hump before because I thought it was taking too long. With my realization that it was going to take a while firmly planted in my head, I was able to get through those first several months until I was able to see significant changes. Once I did start seeing changes, I wanted to keep going. I think if people could just get through those first difficult months, they could be more successful. Right after Easter, I went to try on new clothes because my old jeans are much too big for me now and I really have to cinch the belt tightly in order to hold them up. I went to JC Penney’s and tried on some jeans. The old ones I had have 44-inch waists, I managed to fit into jeans with 36-inch waists this time around. Things like that are starting to motivate me more and more to continue with my fitness goals.

Epic Fail

One thing that’s been something of a resounding failure lately, is that in my blog a couple of weeks ago, I wanted readers to post comments afterward telling me about some of the issues they’ve had to deal with in losing weight and getting in shape. For some reason, only one person (Samwise to my Frodo), actually posted something. I don’t know if I got such a lackluster response because people were afraid of posting anything or if no one was really interested. It’s unfortunate because I think that once you’ve stated and set down your issues, you can begin to tackle them. They become concrete things you can deal with rather than a vague set of  “OMG! I have all these issues!” I started this blog because I kept posting updates on facebook and people were encouraging me to start a blog. By journaling the issues I have had to deal with in getting in shape, I’ve had a much better awareness of my weaknesses and the pitfalls that are around me. Again, I encourage you to post some of the issues and concerns you have so that we can deal with them. Posts are anonymous unless you leave your name and even I can’t see who has posted on my blog. I won’t judge anyone or any issue you may have, I’ll just try to give some advice from a guy who’s been there. 

I've changed my mind

I find myself not wanting to lose weight any more.

Well, I still feel I will get down to my goal weight, but losing weight is no longer my overriding concern. No, lately, I’ve been feeling more as if I want to become a better athlete. I figure if I try to become a better athlete, then the weight will come off as a result of that. So, my thinking lately has not been, “I need to exercise to lose weight,” or “I need to watch what I am eating to lose weight.” It’s been more like “what exercises can I do or how can I improve my exercises and eating habits in order to become more efficient and more fit?”

When I was in college, I couldn’t afford a car, so I got a bicycle. I rode it everywhere: to the grocery store, friends’ houses, the mall. When I moved back to New Orleans, and I didn’t have a job, I rode it every day at Audubon Park to pass time. Then, when I did have a job, I rode my bike to my job and then would ride it at my lunch hour to City Park. Shortly before Katrina, my bike was stolen. I bought a new bike after Katrina but I did not really ride it. It was more “just to have a bike.” I guess my thinking was that I didn’t want to be driving my car around town with all the debris and I figured having a bike might be a good alternative. I didn’t really ride it all that much up until the time I started to attempt to lose weight in August, 2010. At the beginning, my wife suggested that I find some sort of sport to do regularly so that I could incorporate more activity into my life. The first thought was tennis because I had played that a lot when I was younger. However, the ability of doing that regularly seemed elusive. I’d need a tennis court available when I had the time and a partner who was at the same skill level. And if you know me, if I am going to do something consistently when it comes to fitness, it has to be simple with few complications. So, then I started wanting to do something that could be incorporated into my daily routine. If you incorporate more activity into your daily routine, then it becomes less “instrusive,” as in having to make time to go to the gym or go to the park to run. My idea was: “I could ride my bike to work!” The only things complicating matters were that I worked across the Mississippi River from where I lived and it was a 28-mile round trip.

In order to find out if I could even make the trip, I picked a Saturday in October to attempt the route. I used the ferry to get across the river and, even though it took a lot out of me that day, I actually made it to my workplace and back. It took a few hours because I had to wait for the ferry and my fitness level was fairly low. Unfortunately, the ferry is the weak link in this chain for me. I am NOT an early riser and in order to make sure I get the ferry on time, I’d have to get up a LOT earlier to ride my bike to work. However, I have ridden my bike to work a few times over this past academic year. But the point of this, is that my attempt to ride to work has been the catalyst for finding what kind of athlete I want to be.

After, my first October attempt, I started riding my bike on the weekends to see if I could improve my time going 28 miles. Then, I got the idea to see just how far I could go. Well, after starting at a max of 28 miles in October, my last personal record for distance on my bike in a single trip is 74.62 miles. If I did my math correctly, that’s a 166 percent increase in 5 months.

I’ve observed that if you want someone to develop an interest in in a hobby or passion, simply devise infinite ways to get people to spend money on that hobby or passion. Even if you can’t afford to upgrade to the best items, you’ll still fantasize about what you’re going to get and it will spark your imagination. If you are into woodworking, you’ll be thinking about that nice new compound miter saw, while snatching up an inexpensive set of files. You’ll want to work to develop your woodworking skills, try out new techniques, and see what you can accomplish.

Well, if there is an interest or passion you can spend a lot of money on, it’s cycling.

But the good thing is, you don’t have to spend a lot of money on it. Just make the initial bike purchase for a decent bike. You can put all the upgrades on it if you can afford it or save up to by a seriously expensive bike.

And I don’t have to find a special place to do it or do it with anyone else. I can do it on my own and I just need a road to do it on.

And that is what has taken my mind off losing weight. I want to be a better cyclist.

The Experiment

When a scientist wants to test a hypothesis he designs an experiment to see what the results will be. He has an idea of what might happen but is uncertain as to the outcome, and he won’t know for sure unless he actually performs the experiment.

Saturday, April 23, 2011 was a big experiment for me.

A few weeks earlier, my friend David had suggested that I sign up for any local footrace because he found that committing yourself to a public event is a good motivator to train. Plus, there are lots of footrace opportunities out there. After I read his suggestion on my facebook page, I was not really interested. I am not a runner. Then, while driving in my car on the way home from work that day, I thought about any upcoming races I knew about and then I thought “Oh, wait, the Crescent City Classic should be coming up soon. I’ll look into that.” My thinking was “okay, he wants me to sign up for a race huh? Okay, I’ll show him by signing up for a 10k.” I looked it up online and found that it was 3 weeks away. I had been working out since August, so I figured I could probably finish a 10k. However, I had never been a strong runner. And the only running I had done lately was on a controlled treadmill in a gym. So, I started running at Audubon Park instead.

Ok, big difference. Seriously. While I can pace myself on a treadmill by dialing in a rate, I had a lot of trouble pacing myself on my own in an outdoor environment. I found myself going a lot faster in the park than on a treadmill and wearing myself out a lot sooner. After a couple of days of doing that, I forcibly tried to make myself go slower and had some success in increasing my distance. However, during the first two weeks of jogging at Audubon, I never did more than 3 miles. So, yeah, this was going to be a big experiment.

By this time, a bunch of people I knew had signed up: my wife, my sister and brother-in-law, a couple of friends and my friends John and Stephanie were coming in from Lafayette to do it. John and Stephanie were some of the initial catalysts for my current weight loss when they started posting their fitness achievements online.

The third week (and the week before the race) I scaled way back in order to let my body recover, as per my friend David. I found myself excited about the race when I went to observe my friend David and his wife Amy participate in the Ironman Triathlon 70.3 the weekend before the CCC. It was neat knowing I’d be participating in a public event in a week.

I knew I’d be able to complete the route, but I had no idea how much I’d be able to jog it and how long it would take me, but like a scientist, I wouldn’t know the outcome unless I did it. I’d give it my best effort regardless and it would be the baseline for the future.

I was a little nervous making sure I’d get there in time and I hardly slept the night before, but once the cannon went off and the race started I was excited and eager to get across the starting line. There were SOOO many people it was crazy. It took me 12 minutes and 15 seconds to get to the starting line and once I crossed it I started jogging in and around and between people in order to get by them. I knew I was going faster than I should have, but I was trying to get around so many people. I did that weaving for about the first mile. By the time I got to the 2^nd mile water station, I was boiling hot and had to stop to pick up a drink and start walking. I promised myself I wouldn’t walk for long, so I started up again and my legs were a bit rubbery, but I jogged for a while again before having to walk for a while. I found it mentally challenging because there were so many people. I found myself just giving up going around them and starting to walk every now and then. The last two miles or so, I tried to jog the whole way. Then, the last ½ mile I started running as fast as I could with what I had left in me. I felt like a running back dodging other players. As I made my way to the finish line, I saw my mom and daughter cheering me on. I had finished with a total time of 1:31:49, which was at the upper limit of what I had expected to do. But, I had the results of my experiment. I hadn’t known exactly what I was capable of until I crossed that finish line. Now, I want to improve and refine myself so that I can do better the next experiment.

I hadn’t won a prize after finishing in 12,136^th place, but it was incredibly rewarding nonetheless because as I made my way through the barricades to the area where only the racers were able to go, I looked at everyone sporting their numbers and I looked down and saw mine. I thought to myself, “I am no longer a spectator.” Because as far as the Crescent City Classic is concerned, I’m a guy who’s been there—and gotten the t-shirt!

Heart Attack or Stab Wounds?

Typically, my mind likes to wander. I think and analyze all kinds of things. I try not to get bored by keeping my mind occupied by going over and over different scenarios in my head.

When I was obese, one thing that I thought about was “if I had to run for my life, could I do it?” Meaning, if a knife-wielding maniac were coming after me, would I be able to outrun him and get away? If I were honest with myself, my response would have probably been something like “well, I’d try, but I think the situation would either end with me having a heart attack due to overexertion or him catching me and stabbing me to death.” Fortunately, I’ve turned my life around and I am now working toward a more fit, in-shape body. I think I have a sporting chance now. However, when I look at people around me during the day, I often wonder how they’d do in a life-threatening situation. If there were a fire or a flash flood, could they outrun it or get away? A lot of times, I have to think “um, no. Probably not.” So, at this point, ask yourself, “could I run for my life if I had to?”

If your answer is “probably not.” Then, what are you waiting for? What are you going to do about it?

Powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal me.

No, that’s not a typo in the above line from the introduction to the old Superman TV series. The real intro ends with the word “men.” But let me tell you what I am getting at. I’m starting to feel different. I don’t know if I can express it in words, but I will try.

As some of you may know, I am an elementary school teacher. This year, I have been assigned as a P.E. teacher for the first time in my 8 years of teaching. That gives me a lot of time to be active during the day with the kids.

Now this may seem small and not too significant, but I thought it meant something. Today, we were playing with the basketballs. There are two really high rims with somewhat new nets that aren’t completely broken in. We also have these new basketballs that are “grippy” and a little big for the nets. What happens when one of those balls goes into the hoop is that they get stuck in the net until they look like a baby crowning out of its mother. This results in someone having to take another ball and throwing it at the stuck ball from underneath in order to bounce it out the top of the hoop until it goes out that way. But today, I did something different. While my coworker was turned around, I jumped up and tipped the ball ever so slightly that it managed to come loose from the bottom and fell out. He turned around and said, “how did you get it out?” I said, “I jumped up and tipped it.” He said, disbelievingly, “yeah, right.” I said, “Okay, I’ll show you.” So, we purposely got another ball stuck and, this time, it took a few tries, but I got it out again by jumping up and tapping it.

So, what’s the big deal right? Well, seven months ago there was NO way I would have even thought that I could have jumped up high enough to reach that ball. Now, I haven’t been working on jumping or trying to reach higher, but it’s like a side effect of being more physically fit. It’s a two-fold change. On the one hand, my working out and exercising has given me more abilities. On the other hand, my attitude has changed to one where I think “Hmm.. maybe I CAN do that, let me try.” My confidence in my body’s ability has been boosted.

On my facebook page, I said that this year will be the year of “Super Shawn.” Mostly, I meant it for the way I’d look by the end, but it’s taken on a new meaning for me. My getting in shape and more fit is starting to result in a “super” version of me: someone with powers and abilities far beyond those of the old me. I’m not trying to say that I’ve become this wonderful, new athlete who is all buff and strong. No, instead, I’m saying that compared to the old version of me, I’m much more fit and able. The old me was happy to do 20 miles on a single bike ride. The new me just did 74 miles on a single bike ride this past Sunday. The old me would never have thought to sign up for a 10k run. The new me has entered the Crescent City Classic for the first time. The new me is toying with the idea of becoming a swimmer so that he can do a triathlon next year (no, not an Ironman or half-Ironman, but a triathlon nonetheless).

I think what is happening is that for the first time since I was in middle school, I am starting to feel “athletic.” I still have a long way to go before I shed all the weight I want to shed, but I can see that I am chipping away at the flab bit by bit. I’ve realized that you don’t know the limits of your body’s abilities until you test those limits. Too many of us are complacent and set in our ways to try anything new. We should take on a new attitude to expand our limits. How many times have you backed out of doing something because you didn’t think you could do it? Or said you couldn’t do it because you’re too old? Or too out of shape?

One thing that kept haunting me when I first started becoming serious about getting in shape and more fit was “did I start too late?” I kept thinking “why didn’t I do this earlier in life?” But now, I have tried to combat thinking this way with the thought that “I can’t change that now, but I can be the best I can be right now.” Which allows me to segue into my goal status…

We’ve slashed 15 percent off!

I had promised to wait until March 31 to weigh myself in the hopes that I would finally be under 200 pounds for the first time in 16 years. Even though I like to present a confident, upbeat persona it takes a lot for me to maintain that façade. Yes, part of it is a façade. I still have a lot of anxiety over my weight and whether I am eating right or pushing myself hard enough. The night of March 30 I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep because I was filled with anxiety about weighing myself in the morning. I wanted so badly to be under 200. It had been part of my goal for the last 7 months. When I did fall asleep, I actually had nightmares about the weigh-in. I dreamt that I could not stop taking off shirts before getting on the scale. I must’ve had 100 shirts on and every time I’d remove one to get ready to weigh myself, another one would be underneath. Then, the shirts somehow wound up in the toilet causing it to overflow and my having to deal with that prevented me from weighing myself. Then I dreamt that the digital readout was broken on the scale. Finally, I woke up around 6 a.m. and decided to get it over with. When I stepped on the scale, I was prepared for anything, but really hoping for something beginning with a “1”. It read 196. Whew…

That meant that I had lost 32 pounds so far. Since that day, I’ve weighed myself a couple more times and when I calculate it all out, I’ve lost 15 percent of my original body weight. Fifteen percent of me no longer exists. It’s gone. Burned off into energy.

My new weight-loss goal is to be 188 by the end of the school year. The school year ends at the end of May so I have almost 2 months to lose around 6 to 8 pounds. I started being serious about losing weight on Aug. 8, the day before school began. Being 188 would mean I would have lost 40 pounds over the entire school year. It seems like a nice round number and achievable.

How are you?

As I write this blog, I think about the people who read it. I would really like to know what you are going through and what concerns you have. I’d also like to know if there is anything you’ve encountered and want to know how I’ve dealt with it in hopes of helping you deal with it. Also, I’d like to know about your successes. There is a comment link at the end of every blog entry. Please take the time to write something this time around to let me know what you are going through. It can be anonymous or you can leave your name. I’ll read the comments and then I’ll try to give you the best perspective from a guy who’s been there. 

John Mayer was right!

Your body IS a Wonderland.

However, many of us have abandoned and neglected our Wonderlands for so long that only the Scooby Doo Gang would be interested in investigating.

A sad situation

My daughter is taking Irish Dancing lessons and has been for a couple of years. Now, most people think instantly of “Lord of the Dance,” and yes, they are doing Irish dancing of a sort, but there is more to it than that. But I bring it up because there is one girl who is also a dancer there. She seems to have been born without fully developed arms. In fact, her arms end abruptly right below her shoulders and she has small hands that don’t seem fully functional. Now, that’s not sad. In fact, she’s quite inspiring because here is someone born with a disability who is doing something active and creative with her body. Most Irish dancing is done with the legs and lower body and she is using the parts of her body that work well to do something amazing and fun.

No, the sad situation is this…

So many of us were born fully abled. We were born with bodies and limbs that worked perfectly or, at the very least, well enough. Yet, here we sit letting our bodies turn into gelatinous blobs. We have been putting ourselves into a chosen disability. I know a person who is so large now that he must use a shopping cart to prop himself up with in order to walk because his knees cannot support his weight.

I know this is anecdotal but, when I go to Wal-mart and I see someone using those electric scooters they have available at the front of the store, it has never been someone who appeared unable to walk. It has never been someone crippled or lame or with a broken leg. No, EVERY single time I’ve seen a scooter in use, it’s been someone who could be considered morbidly obese. It’s as if they have said to themselves, “not only am I large now, but I am going to conserve EVERY last calorie by doing the least amount of work.” I’ve begun my journey in earnest because I don’t want to be one of those people. I was on that track to being someone like that--a person so large that he could not function normally any more.

People, I implore you: do not impose this disability on yourselves. Do something. Anything! Find an activity you like and can do and do it! Gardening, cycling, dancing! You were born with an incredible, amazing, living machine that is capable of so much more than what you are doing now.

Your body truly is a wonderland, you just have to use it.

I’m going to be rich!

When I signed up to do this blog, there was an option to “monetize” my blog. “Monetizing” my blog means allowing some ads to run on my blog page and I would get some money out of it based on a bunch of different factors. Now, I’m sure that I would not get much money this way, probably only a few cents here and there.

Instead, I have come up with a plan to get rich quickly. You just have to listen to what I have to say: I’ve come up with a sure-fire way to lose weight! Here’s how it works: I have come up with a pill that will only cost you $20 each pill and you take one once a day and I GUARANTEE that you will lose weight.*

(*must use pill combined with enclosed diet and exercise plan)

Now, the pills are 100-percent all-natural, quantum-vibrating, homeopathic pills using “caloric induction” and many other confusing buzzwords that are popular right now. I must warn you however, no matter how much they look, taste and smell like “Flintstones Chewable Vitamins,” they are NOT “Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.” They are a proprietary blend of herbs and supplements and the liquid lipid extract of a Burmese python combined in way to burn weight off of people. Seriously, don’t have any of these vita… er, “pills” analyzed in a lab because I own the recipe and I’ll sue.

Now, there IS an enclosed diet and exercise plan that you get with the vita… shit, I mean, PILLS.  All you have to do is take one $20 pill a day and eat half the calories you would normally eat. Then do a simple cardio workout for 60 minutes at around an 8 on your exertion scale 5 days a week. Finally, you must do 45 minutes of weight/resistance training every other day. Oh, and cut out all beverages except water.

Do that and my pills will work their weight-loss magic!! Honestly!!

Now, some of you may think you have figured this out and say, “Well, heck, what do I need the pills for? If I just did the diet and exercise plan, I’d lose weight.” And you’d be dead wrong! There would be NO WAY for me to make any money off desperate people… I mean, there would be NO WAY for you to lose weight if you didn’t take my magical weight-loss pills! What are you waiting for, you may lose up to 10 pounds in a week (your actual results may vary and you may not lose any weight at all) but you MAY lose UP TO 10 pounds in a week. Yes, you MAY! And “may” means “guaranteed to!” Right?

Had enough yet?

Okay, so, the real reason I am not going to ever monetize my blog is this: I have no way of controlling the content of the ads on my page. I’ve perused some of the other blogs and I’ve seen some of the ads for crap that I don’t want to be promoting AT ALL! Mostly, crap that says you can lose weight quickly.

Face it, everyone.  There is NO easy way to lose weight and get in shape. And if you ever need proof of this, go to any public place: mall, grocery store, post-office, etc. Then, look and see how many overweight or morbidly obese people you see. If there were an easy way to lose weight and get in shape, think about it, there would be NO one overweight and obese! Who would choose that (except a small subset into that kind of thing: think fat porn).  But seriously, the reason there are so many of us overweight is that it’s DIFFICULT to lose weight. There is no magic pill, there is no magic exercise device. Almost every pill/system that is offered to consumers comes with an enclosed “diet and exercise” plan that if you just followed that you wouldn’t NEED the product being advertised. Get with the program people. I know you’re desperate, I know you heard about something that a friend of a friend tried and they lost 15 pounds, but use your brains and critical thinking skills: if it worked, why are there still so many overweight people? Get this through your head:

Total calories consumed < Total calories burned means weight loss.

That’s the most basic thing you need to know.

It’s not rocket science. (However, it is chemistry and physics with a little third grade math.)

Look, I’ve tried Slimfast, I’ve tried fat burning pills but there has been only ONE thing that has worked: cutting back on eating combined with a consistent exercise plan. Don’t believe the weight-loss hype, but I guarantee you can trust me on this. After all, why wouldn’t you believe a guy who’s been there?

All the small things...

You don’t win friends with salad!

In other words, I wouldn’t succeed in my weight-loss attempt if all I ate was salad.  Yet another switch in my thinking from the past ways was the change from believing I had to eat certain foods, or eliminate certain foods in my diet, into the belief that it wasn’t what I was eating, per se, but rather how much.

Let’s go back about 20 years. In 1991, my New Year’s Resolution was to give up eating beef and pork and drinking sodas. At that point in my life, I was eating a Quarter Pounder with cheese value meal every single day for lunch (McDonald’s was right across the street from campus) and guzzling down a 2-liter bottle of Coke a day. (Neither of those is an exaggeration plus I am sure some of you can relate.) So, in an effort to lose weight, I decided to cut out beef and pork and soda. I was an “all or nothing” thinker who knew I would cheat if I allowed myself any leeway, so I decided to cut them out altogether. For example, if I knew I could eat beef on certain “special” days, then all of a sudden every day would be one of those “special” days. If I knew I couldn’t eat it at all, then, there was no excuse.

I managed to keep up the New Year’s Resolution until 2005 when Katrina hit. After we lost almost everything in our house and lost where we were living, we went to live with my cousin and several other members of my extended family. We were getting donated food and I started eating beef and pork again. I wasn’t going to turn down a donated ham from someone who was trying to help us, plus I wasn’t morally opposed to eating meat, it had just been an attempt to lose weight. When the New Year came again January 2006, I once again gave up beef and pork since we were once again self-sufficient. However, over the last couple of years, I had to reassess and come to the conclusion that the experiment had been a failure. Especially, since I realized that I weighed about 40 pounds more than when I had first given up beef and pork.

The problem was that when I gave up eating beef and pork, I hadn’t given up eating massive quantities of other foods--like Popeye’s Chicken, or ice cream or any of a myriad of other foods.

Sometimes, I see friends who want to lose weight and they tell me how much they’re eating salad or replacing meals with something like Slimfast. I can tell you this, if all I was eating was salad and Slimfast, I would not be able to keep it up and I would probably quit after a month or two. At this point, I still eat foods that I enjoy, I just eat much less of them. You have to do something sustainable, otherwise, the tiger will get you. (More on the tiger later…)

I must confess though, that this past New Year’s I did give up bread and bread-like products. I left myself a couple of exceptions though: birthday cake on my birthday and Warm Melting Chocolate Cake on Carnival Cruises. Since, those two things are not every-day items, I figured I could allow myself those. However, rather than be a weight-loss experiment, it’s more of an attempt to control my carb intake due to my diabetes. It forces me to be a little more creative in my eating habits. I did leave myself two outs: crackers and tortillas. I can see myself starting to have problems controlling my cracker intake as I work crackers into my diet more and more. I’m going to have to address that with myself at some point, because right now, I seem to have Kirk Van Houten working overtime. (If you get THAT reference, you are a true geek!)

I’m also not a big fruit or vegetable eater. I’ve been trying to incorporate more fruits into my diet. I experiment with new ones every now and then, but all I seem to like are bananas. And vegetables? I don’t think there are any I could qualify as “liking.” I need to work on that too. The closest thing I get to eating “salad” is taking raw baby spinach and putting grilled chicken on it. Then, when I eat it, I have to have a piece of chicken with every bite of leaves.

I guess the biggest lesson I’ve learned with all my experiments with food and depriving myself of certain items is that first I must cut back, then I can start to think about how to be creative with varying my diet. Because, when I cut back, I was still eating foods I liked, yet I was getting results. Now, I can be bolder and experiment with expanding my dietary horizons while realizing I can still eat the foods I like, but just in smaller quantities. I’m no longer ham-stringing myself and setting myself up for failure.

The Eye of the Tiger

I get tempted sometimes and the temptation is overwhelming. There are days when I don’t think I am going to be able to resist giving into temptation, but I always convince myself that my efforts will be rewarded.

Oh, wait, I’m not talking about food. I’m talking about weighing myself on the scale.

Yes, at a certain point in my weight-loss journey, I became pretty addicted to weighing myself. I started off at 228 lbs. on August 8, 2010. By January 7, 2011, I was 204.2 lbs. And every day for a month, I was 204.2 lbs. It was pretty discouraging, but I weaned myself off the scale and just kept being consistent with my exercise and eating habits. When I last weighed myself in mid-February, I was 200.2 lbs. I haven’t weighed myself since then and I don’t intend to weigh myself until March 31, 2011. And that brings me to my next subject:

Goals

It’s important to have goals. But you must have variety in your goals. For example, my current goal is to be under 200 lbs. I have not been under 200 lbs. in about 16 years. The last time I weighed myself, I was 200.2 lbs. I want to give myself the best chance of being under 200, so I am not going to weigh myself for another 2 weeks. If I make it, great. If I don’t, well, it’ll just take longer. My long-term goal is to be a healthy-weight for my size. That’s around 160 pounds. If I make it, great. But you know what? I’ve realized that it’s not about the goals. It’s about the little things on the way there.

In the beginning of this journey, I never would have thought that I could have ridden my bike for 60 miles at a stretch. I have done that now. Having these goals to work toward gives me big dreams. Now, I want to be able to train and ride my bike from New Orleans to Chicago. If you think I’m crazy, oh well, at least I have a goal and I am working toward it. How can you know your potential unless you try something you’ve never done before?

But like I said, it’s the little things on the way to the goal that matter.

Things like my daughter telling me she can hug me and clasp her hands all the way behind my back now. It’s actually being okay with having my picture taken. It’s checking out my body’s profile in a store window to see my progress. It’s being able to buy size L shirts instead of XXL. It’s buying a new belt two inches shorter than the old one. It’s having fingers that actually feel thinner. It’s my noticing that I am starting to have a defined jawline.

One thing it’s not: a number on a scale.

I’ve often thought about what’s going to happen when I reach my goal. Will I give up and suffer the fate of so many who’ve tried before. Will I be a part of the group that gains all the weight back? It’s a real fear of mine. That I will lose that fire and just give up again. But I think having long-term goals will help me stay focused. Let’s say I want to become a long-distance cyclist, and say I make it to Chicago, then what? Then maybe I try to go from coast to coast. I’ll just keep dreaming big and working toward those goals. That will help me keep the weight off--the constant pursuit of bigger dreams.

I’ve come to realize that there is a tiger chasing me: the weight-gain tiger. He’s chasing me and he’s never going to stop. I have to be constantly vigilant. I must never stop trying to outrun him. It’s going to be a way of life from here on out. When we slack off, that’s when he pounces, we give up and start spiraling out of control with our weight. That tiger chasing me is a reminder that I will always be a guy who’s been there.

Pictures of progress

Scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page for the Official "Before" Picture and a new, recent picture taken on March 13, 2011.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

I’ve said, and cannot emphasize enough, how important mental attitude has been in my recent weight-loss attempt. I feel as if this mental attitude has given me a sort of “Spidey-sense” when it comes to interpreting how successful I’ll think someone else will be in his or her attempt. I’m around a lot of people who want to lose weight and get in shape, yet, I can somewhat tell who’s going to stick with it and who’s just in that vague state of “not-quite-ready” to commit. I’d like to try to encourage those who want to lose, but are not yet in the frame of mind to change. I think back to what would have encouraged me or what someone could have done to start me on the journey to a healthier life. And I come up with one, simple answer:

Nothing.

I know that’s not a very satisfying answer, but I’ll elaborate and maybe we can come up with a way to help those who are “on the fence.”

First of all, let’s state the obvious. When I was obese (clinically, now I am merely “overweight”) there was an elephant in the room…and it was me. Seriously, no one likes to discuss people’s weights. It’s impolite and among the things that civilized people do not discuss with one another to their faces. It’s unfortunate, because, rather than sweeping the issue under the rug, I think we should have a more open dialog about obesity and what we can do to combat it. But the reality is that a fat person knows they are fat. We don’t have to tell them. I knew I was, even though no one would tell me to my face. Telling me or chastising me about what I was eating or how much I was eating would only have caused me to feel more shame when I was already feeling ashamed. And that would have driven me to the remedy of doing what? Eating more.

I also knew that I should lose some weight. When I was 32, I was diagnosed with gout, it’s an affliction of the joints that causes outbreaks of severe pain due to a build-up of crystals in my blood. My doctor told me that I could improve my health and cut down on the outbreaks if I lost a significant amount of weight. That was 12 years ago and I’m just getting around to it. If a trained medical professional, whose job is to get people healthy tells me to lose weight and get in shape and I don’t do it, what are the chances that some other person is going to be able to influence me to change?

The trouble is that when we try to encourage others to be healthy and change their lifestyle we walk a fine line between being caring and being overbearing. I will tell you this, if someone HAD told me I was eating too much or that I needed to change, I would not have gotten mad at them. I am a somewhat rational person and I would have realized that they were stating the obvious, but I would have gotten mad at MYSELF. And I think that when people do lash out at others for trying to get them to change, it’s because deep down inside, they are angry with themselves for letting it get out of hand with their weight.

So, what can we do? Well, like I said, I’ve gotten kind of a “Spidey-sense.” Now this sense has come about through trial and error with my attempts to encourage people at work. I know that, at times, I’ve been, and still can be, overbearing in my encouragement. I’ve learned to sense who is going to keep that fire lit and who’s just going to ignore me. So, I try to encourage those who I think will benefit from encouragement and leave alone those who don’t seem to want to try at this point.

And just to clarify, I’m not going up to random people who are overweight and saying “hey, you need to lose a few pounds.” No, I only discuss these kinds of things with people who say to me something like “I see you are having success, I’d like to lose weight. How do you do it? What can I do?” In other words, people who claim to want to change and lose weight. Now, of this group, I can tell that there are those who are serious, those who are “on the fence” and those who are nowhere near the right frame of mind. Unfortunately, if they are nowhere near the right frame of mind, there’s not much I can do to encourage them. They are not going to try. They are going to come up with excuse after excuse as to why they can’t exercise. They’ll rationalize every sweet or snack they put into their mouths as something that “won’t hurt because it’s just a small thing” even though they do it 20 times a day. How do I know they’ll do this?… well, obviously you haven’t learned the name of my blog yet. (Oh right! DUH!)

Okay, there is this one person at work who I think is really making a good effort. I think she’s finally in the right frame of mind and she’s going to be successful. She is starting to be very consistent and learning to make the right choices. All she needs is a little push from time to time to see if she’s going to the gym or walking at the track. I can see the determination forming in her and that she wants to be successful. I’m not really worried about her because I think it’s almost to the point where I don’t have to push her. It’ll get done because she WANTS it to get done.  And that’s where everyone should be. We should all be at the point where we are doing it not because someone else wants us to, but because WE want to do it for ourselves. All the external encouragement won’t do any good unless we have internal encouragement.

So, how do we help those who are “on the fence.” Right now, the way I try to do it is by setting a good example. I try to be consistent at work and at home. When someone at work tries to rationalize something, I point out that they’re just making an excuse and try to give her a healthier alternative. For example, a friend of mine reaches for the chocolate when stressed out. She associates stress with eating (something I think we can all relate to). However, I said, in that case, why not replace it with a healthier alternative? She likes grapes, so I said, bring grapes to work and when you get stressed, reach for those.  

I don’t know if you’d want to do this, but it’s an approach I’ve tried. I’ve just gone straight up to someone and said this “Look, I know you have told me you wanted help losing weight, if you’re serious, I can help you. But it’s something YOU have to want and you have to be consistent. If you need me, I’ll be here to help, but I can’t change you. Only you can do that.” (In fact, I told someone that just today.)

A New Hope

One of the things that got me down about my weight loss is that it seemed so overwhelming. It seemed like an enormous task that was never going to get done. I had to change that thinking into “yes, it can be done.” I saw other people who were doing it. I was jealous of them and that finally got me to switch over. So, if you are trying to encourage someone to change, the biggest thing you can do for them is give them the hope that they CAN change. Show them examples (again YouTube is awesome for showing weight-loss success stories). I watch Biggest Loser every week and cry every time because I see these people changing their lives and I know they feel better about themselves because I know that feeling now too! We need to kindle that flame of hope inside those who want to change.

In the end, the best we can do is tell someone, “You can do it. I know you can. You just need to try and I’m here to help you if you want it.” If they are sincere in their desire, they’ll make an effort. But if they are not mentally ready, there’s nothing more we can do to help them at this point-- except wait for them to get into the right frame of mind.

Changing the subject

I had a really depressing thought today. I was looking at a picture of myself from when I was about 14 years old. Back then I was playing tennis 6 hours a day EVERY day. I was slender and in excellent shape. I actually had a defined body form that looked athletic. And of course, I thought to myself “wow, look how slender and in shape I looked back then.” But that’s not what made me sad. No, what made me sad was that I thought about some of the kids at the elementary school where I work. A significant portion of them are what we’d consider morbidly obese, including a few kindergartners. What made me sad was the thought that, unless something changes, these kids won’t even have a picture to look back on to say “look how in shape I was then” and that being obese is all they’ll ever know. It upsets me to realize that these kids are already there when I was already in college before I was a guy who’s been there…

Well, EXCUUUUSE ME!

Don’t push me coz I’m close to the edge

Okay, I’m going to warn you (or give you instructions, if you want to look at it that way). If you really want to outright offend me or piss me off, question my parenting ability. Here’s an easy way to do that, tell me:

“Of course you’re able to lose weight, you’re not a mom and you wouldn’t understand.”

This statement is so full of crappy implications that I am going to analyze each one and destroy this “excuse bunker” until the people who say this kind of thing emerge bleary-eyed into the daylight of reality.

Implication #1: “Of course you can spend more time at the gym or spend more time taking care of yourself because you spend LESS time taking care of your children than I do because I am a “mom”.”  

Let’s see what the reality is…

I ask the women who use the “mom” excuse, where’s your husband?

In my family, my wife is currently going back to school to get a degree. That means she’s working and taking classes. She wants to accomplish this. It’s important to her. We’ll do whatever we need to do in order to get it done. When she’s either in class or out of town on a trip or whatever, do I spin my thumbs and sit there and go “Whatever shall I do, I’m just a clueless man who could never take care of a household.”

No, it’s understood that I am going to take care of whatever needs to be taken care of. Dinner, cleaning, whatever. On the flipside, getting to a healthy weight is important to me. She understands this, so she supports me whenever and however she can. It’s a partnership. The things that are important to you SHOULD be important to your partner and vice versa. So… if you are using the “mom” excuse, perhaps you should discuss your relationship with your spouse and emphasize that it’s a “partnership” and you need support and help with your goals. And if your husband refuses to cooperate, then it’s difficult for you to lose weight NOT because you’re a “mom,” but because your husband’s being a dick. You’re using HIS slacking off as a parent as an excuse for you to slack off on taking care of yourself.

Implication #2: “Well, that’s it, I’m a “mom” and there is no way around being overweight.”

Do you realize that’s what you’re saying? You’re saying that you “give up” on your health because you’re a “mom” and you no longer have time. I guess you’re just doomed to being overweight for the rest of your life because I don’t see the “mom” part changing.

Let’s look at the reality, shall we… Hmm, the mom I know best is my own mother. She’s been a mom for 44 years now. She had two kids and worked from the time I was about 7 years old until about 2 years ago. I also know that she has never been more than 120 pounds. HOW CAN THAT BE? She’s a mom! That means she MUST be overweight, right?? What? I don’t get it. Oh, I remember now, it’s because she doesn’t overeat. That’s right… it has nothing to do with her status as a mother, but everything do to with how many calories she takes in. Using the “mom excuse” logic, all mothers would be overweight, yet, you don’t see that. There must be some other factor working here then, huh? Yeah, that “mom excuse” is looking flimsier by the second.

Implication #3: “I’m a mom, which means I’m important to my kids, but since I don’t take care of my health, my kids are going to be screwed if something catastrophic happens to my well-being (especially since my slacker husband can’t take care of them).”  

(See, I’m closer to being a mother than you realized, huh? I’m completely playing the “guilt” card here.) I guess being a mom means you won’t be able to take care of your health, which means your health and weight will deteriorate until, well, who knows what will happen? If being a mom is really important to you, then try taking care of yourself so that you can be a mom for as long as you can!

Yes, I do get offended by people who question my ability as a parent. I’ve been training and wanting to be a father since I was a kid. But when I hear someone tell me that I “wouldn’t understand because you’re not a mom,” I realize that they’re not really questioning my parenting skills but simply coming up with yet another lame excuse for not taking care of themselves. The people who use this statement simply need to realize it for what it is: a lame, (potentially inflammatory) excuse.

It’s a family affair

I’ll admit that this is not something we often do, but I’ll put it out there anyway in case it may benefit someone else. If you’re having trouble finding time or ways to get some activity in, make it a family affair. Take the kids for a walk around the neighborhood. Go to the park and play Frisbee. Take up bike riding with them. When I ride around Audubon Park, I always see joggers (parents, presumably) pushing those “jogging strollers” while they run their laps. That doesn’t need a babysitter! Having children doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to have time to work out or be active, it just means that you are going to have to be more creative. Instead of sitting in the bleachers at soccer practice while scarfing down nachos and cola, get up and walk a few laps around the soccer field. If people look at you funny, and wonder why you’re doing laps around the soccer field, say “because I don’t want to look like Jabba the Hutt.”

But again, (and I will NEVER stop pointing this out) the biggest thing you can do to get down to a healthier weight that doesn’t require ANY babysitters or a spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend or domestic partner is to EAT LESS!

One of the ways that I have been successful this time is recognizing the excuses that I’ve made to others and myself over the years for what they are: excuses. Excuses won’t help you, they won’t get you to a healthier weight, they aren’t really comforting, they don’t really disguise you from others who can see straight through them. All they really do is prevent you from acting and achieving your potential. That’s not a good place. I don’t like that place. I don’t want to be there any more for I spent too much time as a guy who’s been there…

The One Thing

Putting it into perspective

I have said that most of the success I have had with losing weight lately is mostly due to having the right mental attitude. However, if I had to boil it all down to the one thing that I had to get my mind wrapped around in order to be successful, it would be this:

“It’s going to take longer than I had hoped.”

If you can get that through your head, that it’s going to take longer than you had hoped, then I think you are on your way to having a more successful attempt at losing weight and getting in shape. I’ve been trying to lose weight off and on for 20 years now. This time around, I’ve been more successful than I have ever been in the past. I started 7 months ago and I have lost 28 pounds. That’s twice as much as I lost 2 years ago when I tried then.

Here’s what has changed:

 When I first started calculating out how long it would take me to lose the weight I am trying to lose, I figured I could lose 2 pounds a week. Two pounds a week is the upper limit for losing at a safe rate. Okay, I wanted to lose 68 pounds. So, that would take about 34 weeks or around 8 and half months to lose all that weight. IF I could lose at a steady 2 pounds a week. However, here I am 7 months later and I’ve lost less than half of what I want to lose. Am I discouraged, no, because, heck, I’ve lost 28 freakin’ pounds so far.

Let’s do the math. In order to lose about a pound, you need to burn around 3,500 calories. In order to burn 2 pounds a week, you need to burn an additional 1,000 calories a DAY consistently. That’s pretty difficult to do unless you are constantly controlling what you eat and training hard every day. Now, if I calculate back to what I have lost over the last 7 months, I’ve been burning a steady 450 to 500 calories a day more than I’ve been taking in. With the new calculations, it’ll take me a year and 4 months to get to my goal. That’s longer than I had hoped, but what the heck am I waiting for? What else am I going to do? It needs to be done, it’s just going to take longer. Once I have accepted that, I can deal with it. And that new calculation puts me at achieving my goal right around Christmas this year. What if I don’t make my goal by then? So what? I’ll still be working toward my goal and, guess what, it’ll just take longer. But in my mind, it’s going to get done. So, like I have said, don’t set yourself up for discouragement and failure, get your mind wrapped around the notion that it’s going to take longer than you’ve hoped. Embrace it. Be okay with it.

Just remember though, if you don’t do anything, it’ll take forever. And 1 year and 4 months is a LOT shorter than forever.

I don’t just consolidate your debt, I ELIMINATE it!

One way of looking at the amount of weight I want to lose is thinking as if it’s a mortgage. Here’s how I do it: I want to lose 68 pounds. In caloric terms, that’s 238,000 calories I need to burn. If we say that those calories are actually dollars that I am in “debt,” we can do some fun imagining. (Well, I think it’s fun.)

Okay, so I am staring at $238,000 mortgage and I want to pay it off as quickly as I can without killing myself. Well, in real life there are things like electric bills, water bills and incidentals that you have to pay in order to live. We’ll call those things your basal metabolic rate. There are some calories you have to take in (meals, healthy snacks) that you need in order to live day to day. These calories function to keep us alive. So, you have to eat, it’s just a fact of life. Just like you have to pay those monthly bills. But you want to get that mortgage paid off as quickly as possible.  So, you cut out expenses elsewhere. Maybe you don’t go to the movies as often, or put off buying a new computer. In the calorie world though, a movie could be compared to a World’s Finest Chocolate Candy Bar. One serving of one of those is 330 calories. Well, if you eat one of those, that’s like adding $330 to your debt. Now, it’s going to take even LONGER to pay off that mortgage. Sometimes it feels as if you’re never going to pay off that mortgage if you don’t reign in your expenses. The same thing happens to your weight if you don’t reign in your eating. You either get more in debt or you start working toward getting that debt down. So, the next time you have the urge to splurge by eating something that’s not necessary, think “do I want to add this to my already huge mortgage debt?”

But in the same vein, if you go workout for 35 minutes, you might burn off 330 calories. Well, would you rather that time be spent paying off the mortgage or just getting rid of the World’s Finest Candy Bar? Me, I’d rather keep paying down my calorie mortgage. But like in the real world, it’s okay to celebrate once in a while. We spend money on things frivolously from time to time and that’s okay. But if we spend frivolously all the time, then we’re going to get in serious debt trouble. The same thing happens if we eat frivolously all the time, we get into serious calorie trouble.  It’s up to you.

Time for another perspective

Maybe money isn’t a good analogy for you. In that case, I like to look at time. When I work out on the treadmill, or elliptical trainer or rowing machine, I burn around 600 calories an hour, which works out to an even 10 calories a minute. That’s a nice round number we can use. So, when I work out on the treadmill for 30 minutes, that’s 300 calories down from my 238,000 calorie debt that I need to pay off. If I burn off 2,000 calories a day from simply existing, then I need to take in 2,000 calories a day to stay at the current weight. But by adding the exercise, I burn 300 extra calories a day and that goes toward paying down my debt. But what does this have to do with time, Shawn? You said we weren’t talking about calorie mortgages any more. Okay, fine. Use the 10-calorie estimate when you look at food labels. If I want to eat some Doritos and I look at the label and it says it’s 250 calories per serving, that’s 25 minutes on the cardio machine to burn it off. TWENTY-FIVE minutes!! YUCK! That’s 25 minutes that I WON’T be using to pay off my calorie debt. Twenty-five minutes doing cardio BEFORE I start losing the weight I want to lose. If you are pressed for time, (like everyone says they are) why would you want to ADD time to your workout by eating something you don’t need? So, when you pick up that World’s Finest Candy Bar (guess what someone at work was selling this past week?) think to yourself “Do I really want to add time to working out? Time I supposedly don’t have the first place?”

Starting Tight End for the Saints

If you grew up in the 70s, you probably remember the “After School Specials” and all the other things thrown at us about the things we can accomplish if we “just put our minds to it.”

Most of the time, the phrase “You can do anything if you just put your mind to it,” is baloney. No matter how much I try, I am not going to be starting tight end for the Saints, I’m not going to be a rock star, or president. A lot of times, if you want to do “anything you put your mind to” you need luck, circumstances, and lots of talent. BUT, there is ONE area in which the phrase, “you can do anything if you put your mind to it” is absolutely, 100-percent correct and apt. And that’s in the area of getting in better shape. We can all get more fit if we put our minds to it. We can all do something, anything to get in better shape. We just need the mind to do it.

So, whatever makes it easier for you to understand and comprehend, figure it out and use it to help you be more successful. I’ve analyzed and calculated things for 20 years now. I’ve figured and made analogy after analogy to myself. There’s very little I haven’t used to try to get myself in shape and this time I’ve got a positive attitude to help me out and I know it’s going to work because, well, I’m a guy who’s been there.